We also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint; because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
- Romans 5:3-5
I'm doing my personal bible study tonight, because the usual weekly-bible-study-on-Monday-nights thing is not happening this week. It's a good thing, in a way, as now I have an opportunity to do a brief study on those verses. Last week I was meditating a good deal on 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.. and it was really amazing, needless to say.
There is a very nice cup of green tea on the table beside my laptop where I am now typing, in the kitchen, and I feel oddly at peace. It's weird, like I'm a little bit numb at the moment, but above all I think I'm actually happy. It feels as though there is a lot going on, and yet somehow it's all a blur around me... and I'm not afraid, I'm not whinging anymore.
Well, it is an up and down rollercoaster. It still is. But I'm learning to see, more and more, that even though it's an up and down rollercoaster, if I look to my Daddy who is sitting right beside me all the time, I honestly don't have to be an emotional wreck. Because all my emotions would be invested not in people or in my situations, but in my Lord Jesus Christ.
Someone asked me a question today, and one part of my answer was, "I'm not ready... far from it I think." and the person responded, "I'm not ready too." That part of the conversation actually got me thinking. It was what I was praying about yesterday, one part of my long prayer, and I was telling God that I know I'm not ready. For a lot of things. And it's because of that, that I want to just look AT God and be sold out for Him, and then along the way He would tell me that I'm ready for this, I'm ready for that. Meaning, I pass tests without knowing. That would mean I've grown, that would mean I'm ready. One big thing I know I'm not ready for, for example, is being in a relationship. There are a lot of reasons why I'm not ready for it, but the main thing is the fact that I'm still going through a lot of transformation work right now (by the Holy Spirit) and I need to ensure that my whole foundation is laid before I proceed any further. I really don't want to get ahead of myself anymore.
It helps, though, to know that there's someone else who recognises that they're not ready too. It's not easy, being patient in letting the work of the Holy Spirit manifest in us. But knowing that there's other people waiting too, and we're all encouraging each other... well, it brings me to the verse in 1 Peter 5:9, which says, "Resist him [the Devil], steadfast in faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world." And it's so awesome to see the Word of God come alive and all the verses that talk about edifying each other and etc - seeing it in action in people around me is so wonderful and such great proof that the Word of God, when taken seriously and applied fully, can do amazing things.
So, God is good. :) And it's gonna be a busy week, but it'll be good.
These hands are yours, teach them to serve as You please, and I'll reach out, desperate to see all the greatness of God; may my soul rest assured in You.
PS. On a separate note - HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dear aunty Evelyn. Missing you, but I'll see you super soon when you come down to Melbourne. :)
