I wonder if listening to the Titanic Suite is helping me at all. This particular soundtrack number is so beautiful, I'm almost to tears. Although this is more of "fleshly" tears rather than spiritual ones....
You know, just a few weeks ago, I was sitting on the grassy hill behind the ACMI at Federation Square, and I was journaling down my thoughts in my notebook. The first sentence I wrote was: "Dying to self is really painful." And I recalled then, my aunt telling me that in the early stages of true surrender and trying to really walk with God, sacrifices have to be made. And one of the biggest ones (if not the biggest) is the sacrifice of praise - obedience to God, meaning, dying to self.
And I constantly wonder how I am going to get through this. I sometimes feel like I'm so free, like I could just fly, and jump around to no end, because there is this spritual energy bursting inside me. And then there are times where, I can feel, spiritually I am crying out because it is so difficult to overcome my flesh. I told God I just want to grow... and I know it's a process. Nobody ever said it was going to be easy.
But, I guess, I really should be looking at the silver lining. God has never failed. He has overcome the world. He died on the cross for my sins. And just like that, one by one, my defenses fall and I run, like crazy, towards the set of arms which are ready and always open for me to run into - His.
